The Path of Wholeness
The wholeness and freedom we seek is our own true nature, who we really are. Whenever we start a spiritual practice, read a spiritual book, or contemplative what it means to live well, we have begun the inevitable process of opening to this truth, the truth of life itself. - Jack Kornfield
When I started formally practicing at 19 I couldn’t seem to help but conceive of spiritual practice as one of transcendence alone. Now I know better. I see that spiritual practice is about wholeness—both an inherent wholeness that is always there and a process of aligning my life with that wholeness. But before I could make this move, or before this move could make me, I was obsessed with transcending this mundane human experience.
In some ways I can’t blame myself for thinking that the task of contemplation was about transcending experience. I did, after all, have a deep and sneaking suspicion that there was more to life than what I was experiencing. Not knowing any better I framed the spiritual search in terms of getting something that I didn’t already have, of becoming someone I wasn’t. Because what I was looking for was something I didn’t have, or wasn’t myself, than it seemed obvious that what I had, and who I was, wasn’t it. They were more obstacles than anything else.
Perhaps not surprisingly, I found myself involved in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, and though I had a wonderful relationship and connections, I battled with a tension between this world and the one I was looking for. I seriously considered leaving my girlfriend at the time and becoming a monastic. My only saving grace at the time was reading philosopher Ken Wilber speak about transcendence as only one part of process of growth. The other, he said, was to include what had come before, not to merely exclude it. He convinced me that to leave everything behind would only be a partial understanding of awakening. And I wanted a complete understanding, not one that was partial or limited. So I managed to hold it together, at least long enough to actually develop some insight into the way things are.
True enlightenment and wholeness arise when we are without anxiety about nonperfection – Seng-Tsan, the 3rd Zen Patriarch
What I found, after several years of dedicated searching and practice, was that my orientation had gradually shifted away from transcending life, to a more inclusive relationship with it. I began to feel that the purpose of my life was to be more whole, to include what had been left out or what had seemed undesirable. My actual meditation practice became more about surrendering to what is, rather than building concentration and seeing the three characteristics so that I could gain more insight. My interest started shifting toward doing more psychological work, where I could begin owning those parts of me that had been disowned.
Growth in practice now feels more like bringing things into conformity with “what is,” rather than gaining something new, so that now, when I reflect on what the term “spiritual” means, I automatically think of that which includes everything. In this view nothing is off limits and nothing is left out. Imagine the relief.
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Nice column, Vince.
I'm reminded of the wonderful Adyashanti line about how, after a person has started the process of waking up, it is so important to "give the world its freedom back." It's such a relief, for example, to realize that you don't have to worry whether someone likes or dislikes you. It's a relief to know that you can give people and the world the freedom to be just the way they are. But of course applying this to oneself–accepting just what you find and allowing ascending and descending currents to strike some kind of natural balance–is just as important. Easy to say, not so easy to always do. For me, the challenge seems to be finding this balance: balancing receptive openness with the kind of effort required to … well, build concentration and investigate the three characteristics!
Yeah, I'm really seeing the whole balance that you're talking about here, as something that takes care of itself w/ the right involvement (read: effort + surrender). I'm swinging more toward the natural, always already side of things at the moment, but I have no doubt that the pendulum will swing back again toward the more effortful and intentional side of things. Hopefully though, in the swinging back, there's a deeper understanding of the whole process that dawns. At least that seems to be how it has worked in the past. Who knows what the future will bring?
Great post, Vince. Since I left the monastery just over a year ago, a similar process happened in my practice. I'm not sure how to put it, but this process, whatever you call it, demanded that I really "own" myself and eschew the parts of my life and practice that just weren't working. I think you captured it really well, because for me it was the same: I always wanted to transcend the world rather than being in it.
My girlfriend jokes with me sometimes, she I've been "corrupted". Maybe she means that before we met I was headed for traditional Tibetan monasticism, always appearing to be some kind of a saint that I really wasn't. I always respond, If by "corrupted" you mean that I finally stopped the pretense and accepted the beautiful mess that is me and my life, well then sure. But you should know that I am happier and feel more liberated than I ever did before.
Along these lines, I really enjoyed the book The Wisdom of Imperfection: The Challenge of Individuation in Buddhist Life by Rob Preece. Preece works as a psychotherapist and has worked with many meditators who struggle with re-integrating with the world after long periods of retreat and practice.
Hey Duff, Thanks for the recommendation! Sounds like a really solid book.
excellent post, dawg!
"What I found, after several years of dedicated searching and practice, was that my orientation had gradually shifted away from transcending life, to a more inclusive relationship with it."
love it! good thing you got into Wilber, otherwise i wouldn't have met you. and it was a big loss on my part.
speaking of wholeness, maybe soon you can try one of the toughest spiritual practices: parenting. i'm almost there
~C
"While we can direct the mind to penetrate into phenomena with great precision and energy, we can also sit quietly and allow reality to just show itself as it is. Both perspectives are important and valuable, and being able to draw on each along the way can be very helpful. Said another way, we can realize that reality is already showing itself, settle quietly into this moment, and be clear and precise about it. Obviously there is a bit of a paradox here relating to effort and surrender. In many ways it is at the heart of the spiritual life."
I ran across this wonderful quote–from Daniel Ingram's MCTB no less!–and immediately thought of Vince's column and new direction. The middle way indeed!
Vince, you are doing us such a great service through Buddhist Geeks- many many thanks for that! I found your article most interesting, and the book suggestion from Duff also useful- warmest wishes to you. now I’ll go donate to BG.
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Hey Vince,
What would you recommend as a first read by Wilber? I have heard you Daniel and Kenneth reference him so I imagine he is worth checking out…
Hi Clayton,
Its been a long time since I've read Wilber, but I seem to remember that A Theory of Everything and A Brief History of Everything are the most common introductions to his work.
Also, you can check out (if you haven't already seen it) this interview I did with him for Buddhist Geeks: http://www.buddhistgeeks.com/author/kenwilber/
Have fun!