Suffering: The Cliff Notes
As a young girl, I lived in a small southern town where little was known about Buddhism. When I asked about the Buddha I was told, “Oh, he believed that all life is suffering.” Later, I started to question—What is suffering (dukkha)? I wondered why it sounded so gloomy. I had a lot to be grateful for and at the same time, I felt a longing in my heart that ached. How could both of these be true? As this discontentment grew, so did my frustration with the black and white contradictions of the world.
Growing up, I was taught that love was the answer to everything and at the same time, I watched people withdraw their love on a daily basis. It was confusing to me when people would look outside of themselves for fulfillment and expect things to magically get better. If anything, the more I questioned suffering the more I felt trapped in my own mind. I wanted something more—better—different. Something had to be missing and I was determined to discover the truth. Where was this place of rest? I pleaded to get rid of suffering—pain. I longed to be loved beyond the conditions of normal reality. I wanted to feel good. I acknowledged that suffering existed, now what was I supposed to do?
At some point, I learned the Buddha not only taught about suffering, but freedom from it. If I looked deeply at my own mind, I would find it. Nirvana. It sounded too good to be true. I could get rid of all my suffering. My mind correlated this to the Christian ideal of heaven. Perhaps, I could just bypass the world and go straight there. I started to look inward searching for this external place. This led me deeper and deeper into who I really am.
The more I sit still and investigate my own mind, the more I see how I am the one creating certain types of suffering. I can sit and spin in my own stories. Good. Bad. I can cling to them as part of who I am—or I could let go. This is scary! Investigating suffering requires courage and compassion. We must be honest with ourselves and look at our choices. In what ways am I clinging to this moment, situation, person, etc? Who will I be without them? Who will I be without the emotions attached? I feel happy one minute and sad the very next. UP and Down. UGH. Over and over again—the mind loops. I make up reasons and excuses for these feelings. Everything has a beginning and has an end. Where is this place of rest?
As I continue to practice, I start to see suffering in the attachment and preference of one side or the other. No matter how hard I try to get rid of the unpleasant sensations they continue to arise. I continue to have bodily pains and things change constantly. The key, I found, is to let things arise and pass naturally. Holding on to nothing. Surrendering over and over again to what IS. Gradually, by learning to relax into the moment there is freedom. As the Buddha taught, “dwelling happily in things as they are.” Love arises with a deep stability outside of these conditions. I am human. This is it. Here is true happiness—the simplicity of being alive.
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Beautiful article! Thank you for sharing.
Very well-written, heartfelt and relevant. How many of us are still looking for something outside or ourselves, or in the future? Thanks!
Emily, you're the Hemingway of Dharma writers–direct and clear and potent.
Spot on, excellent!
emily, this was a sweet and heartfelt post. i found i could relate to all of it. thank you for such honesty.
Thank you for that. Absolutely beautiful.
Emily, your writing is clear and easy to relate to. This piece is no exception. Well done!
Articulate and insightful. Thank you for this.
What about action? Proactive, positive response to negative forces at work (through deluded individuals acting from ignorance) in the world. It seems what can be required in these circumstances is active, sometimes aggressive and forceful response. How does that fit into the framework of preferences for one side of the other, surrendering to what is, dwelling in things as they are?
Thanks
In my experience, the heart knows how to respond to each situation. I think it takes practice to be able to respond and hold both sides. It doesn't mean there isn't action– just action arsing naturally from the causes and conditions of the moment. True compassion can take may forms. Sometimes it can look like setting firm boundaries and cutting off the confusion (ignorance).
"start to see suffering in the attachment and preference of one side or the other"
If I might paraphrase this as "suffering can be seeing/being in attachment and preference to one side or the other". Until you can see things as they are without attachment and preference you cannot act fully skillfully as you might be responding to something other than what is really happening.
You don't have to think happy thoughts and stay in a situation, but seeing the reality instead of your interpretation and accepting it is a prerequisite for a truely proactive/positive/skillful response.